Toddler Miracle Diet

This is so funny I laughed till I cried, as the mommy of a two year old, this is so close to true!

Toddler Miracle DietOver the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim.Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet.You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet,otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Success!!!

DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and aglass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drinkhalf bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Eat a half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful ofPurina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside,drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again.Then bring inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up yourleft nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat withspoon.

DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup eat one with fingers, rubin hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass.After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz,put it on the cushion of best chair.
Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit severalbites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch.Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, anolive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes; add half a cup ofsugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat breadcrumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Findthat sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball onplate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

-Carole Libbe